Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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