I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
