i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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