Don't you send me to vm
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
