five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
