i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
