Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
bring money and cleavage
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
