Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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