I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
