ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
