what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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