No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
