if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
