Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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