Well douche your snatch and let's go!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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