Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
