Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
