My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
