3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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