The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was confusing and full of hummus
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
