Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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