Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
