I have demons in me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
