When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
