I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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