I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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