Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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