what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fuck appropriateness.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
