Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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