I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
