i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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