Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize