so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
