Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize