That's when you crack a 10am beer
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
