im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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