Cold hands, warm shart.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
