Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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