I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
