No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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