I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
