you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
