me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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