she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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