where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
