After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
