I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
