now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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