I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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