At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
