I wish I could punch you in the face.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
