Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
