just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
