david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
