Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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