I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize