There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
