Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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