Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
