its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
