I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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