it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
