is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
