I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
