OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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