im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
