I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize