u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
