I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
