I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
