Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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