those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
