she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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