I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
