i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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