Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
