hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
