You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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