I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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