She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize