What a fucking waste of an outfit
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
whose parrot is this?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
