do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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