So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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