don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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