What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
