If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think my mom watched the whole time
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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