I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
