I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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