Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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