Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you win again, gameday.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
